i am letting go

This morning my mom asked me why I looked so sad, well I couldn't answer. Was it that obvious? Maybe finally they've noticed my puffy eyes. It was wet pillows again for me last night. Two nights ago, my boyfriend decided not to go out with me anymore. Our relationship was complicated and I can understand why he had to do it. We've been down this road before and it's nothing new. It was still the same cultural issue. There was nothing I could do about it. I could choose to fight for our love but I don't want to fight for it alone. Well, that was it, it was over. I feel so empty and so sad. Everything I see around me, triggers a memory and it never fails to bring tears back to my eyes. I know I'll be ok and I'll get over  this, but for now I'm still wallowing in the pain and the loss. I am going through the phase when I dread going to bed at night because I couldn't sleep and getting my butt out of bed to go through my day.  I'm afraid the sadness is really taking over. 

For one thing though, I am thankful. Thankful that he stayed with me for one year and a half, even though there were a lot of risks involved. I admit I wasn't ready to say goodbye and I had hoped that we had a future. This relationship made me grow as a person and it made me have a more mature outlook in life. I am grateful that he gave us a chance, brief as it is, and that is something that I will cherish for a lifetime. I wish that I didn't fail to make him feel how much I loved him when he was with me and how happy he used to make me. I hope he can now sleep soundly at night. As for me, for the time being, wet pillows will be my comfort.